what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
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