Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
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