I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
Randomize
