well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
Randomize
