why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
Randomize
