Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
she peed on how many people?
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
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