Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
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