he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
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