oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
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