I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
Hot guy, man whore rep, huge crush, alcohol that will fuck you up. I fail to see how this could go wrong
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
Randomize
