I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
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