Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
Randomize
