Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Randomize
