Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
Randomize