I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
Randomize
