You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
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