apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
Edward fifth and chaser hands
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
Randomize
