Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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