I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
Randomize
