The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
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