Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
i came on her dog
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
Randomize
