I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
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