This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
