Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
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