I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
Randomize
