so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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