"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
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