Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
I wish there were birth control emojis
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
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