The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
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