Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
I could fuck to npr.
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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