You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
