then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
Randomize
