Small penises have feelings too.
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Randomize
