You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
Randomize
