apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
Is her dick bigger than yours?
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
Randomize
