i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
Randomize
