i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
Randomize
