filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
Randomize
