Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
Randomize
