just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
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