wanna go halves on a baby?
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
My feet surprised me
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
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