I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
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