i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
