if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
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