my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
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