I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
Barsexuality is the new black.
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
Randomize
