I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
