I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
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