Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
Randomize
