Having a random hookup so left but love u
And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
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