sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Randomize
