Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
Randomize
