I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
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