...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
Randomize
