WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
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