Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
