If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
Randomize
