I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
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