Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
Randomize
