How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
Randomize
