They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
Randomize
