at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
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