Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
Randomize
