it felt great physically, but AWFUL morally.
I could have mohawked her pubes.
Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
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