Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
my god I love twenty year old dicks
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
Randomize
