She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
Randomize
