The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
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