Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
Randomize
