Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
Randomize
