I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
Randomize
