Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
