He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
Randomize
