Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
Randomize
