Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
Randomize
