Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
Randomize
