Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
Randomize
