Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
Randomize
