i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
Randomize
